The Power of Parenting: Attitude, Love, and Lifelong Learning

There's nothing more important, of course, than raising children.

And if you think about it, who raises children?

You've got educational systems, you've got influences from media, you've got family and friends, of course, communities, all contributing to raising children.

When a child sees a mother and father telling them to be honest or to work hard or to do their best, and they see their mother and father doing the opposite, how is that teaching the child to do that?

The remarkable thing is we have a choice every single day about our attitude.

We can't change our past, we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way, we can't change the inevitable.

But the only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude.

Life is 10% of what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it.

And so it is with you.

We are in charge of our attitudes.

Love is an action word.

It's something you do and not something you say.

That was Dr.

John Shanaka and he was a long serving teacher of over 40 years and he talks to us about supporting parents and family values and how all of us as stakeholders with our children can really put our best selves forward to really demonstrate and be a mentor for everybody around us.

Many thanks again to the national association for Primary Education for their continued support and sponsorship of the Education on Fire podcast.

Hello, my name is Mark Taylor and welcome to the Education on Fire podcast, the place for creative and inspiring learning from around the world.

Listen to teachers, parents and mentors share how they are supporting children to live their best, authentic life and are proving to be a guiding light to us all.

Hi John, thank you so much for joining us here on the Education on Fire podcast.

One of the things that we talk about a lot here on the show is the fact that with the child at the center of everything, whether you're a parent, whether you're a teacher, whether you're a sports coach, or however you're involved in children, the essence of what you're trying to do is the most important thing.

So I think this is going to be fantastic conversation to sort of have that idea of family at the heart of what we're doing and everyone who's sort of literally a stakeholder in our children's lives.

Yeah, thanks so much for being here.

Well, appreciate you having me so much.

I love the title Education on Fire.

I think it's, it's, it's apt and it's dynamic.

So that's what we're talking about.

Really?

Yeah, absolutely.

Well, thank you for that.

Yeah, it's something which so fits the bill in many ways, I think.

And it just the essence of just being able to sort of make sure that I think children, when they're being their best selves, when they're kind of excited about life, when they feel inspired, even if it's within the system, which maybe isn't as supportive as we'd like it to be, or maybe even outdated, if we can find a way to have these conversations to help support the children themselves or certainly the people that are helping them to feel that they can give the best advice, then that really is going to be something which helps that ripple effect moving forward.

It's a great topic, great topic.

So tell us a little bit about how it is that you're creating that ripple effect.

What is it that you're putting out into the world that are, that are supporting everybody?

Yeah.

Well, I had a lot of experience in education, 42 years in public schools here in the US and once we retired, both my wife was an educator and I was an educator.

In fact, indeed our whole family is involved in education in some way.

It's, I mean, it's amazing.

From bus drivers to cafeteria workers, to teachers in the classroom, to support staff.

I mean, it seems like everyone in our family is an educator of some sort.

Along with being parents, of course, which is the most important educator, by the way.

After doing all of that, Jane and I settled into retirement.

And then my mother in Law, who's 96 years old, came to live with us.

She has memory problems, problems, mobility problems.

We ran into Covid and we started to think about the various things, incidents with our children and our grandchildren.

We have two sons and three grandchildren.

And in thinking about all of that, we started to remember some of the stories and also experiences we had.

And we started writing children's books.

So we have 10 of those children's books published.

In the course of all of this, in my professional work as a teacher and counselor and administrator, I wrote a couple of programs.

One was called Peer Pals, it was a guidance program for widespread classrooms.

And another one was called Super Student Program.

I had traveled to Japan on a scholarship, Fulbright scholarship and studied their educational system and came back and developed this program, as I said, with super students where and start to look at what makes a successful student.

And so in doing that I started developing parenting materials, books.

And so right now we have Parenting one Survival Guide for Parents, Parenting one, two and three.

And then I'm just ready almost to publish another book called Power Parenting, so that between our children and our grandchildren, all that writing and so on, we've done a lot of thinking about kids education and so on.

And it's amazing how I think a lot of people can identify with that kind of what's the information we'd like to impart?

What's the sort of thing that we'd like our children to know and to understand?

And I, I know we have this conversation with my wife a lot.

We sort of say that, you know, over the course of the 18 or so years that they're going to live with you, hopefully it all drip feeds in.

Hopefully.

There's constant conversations, constant kind of understanding of what life's about for us and what we can help and support them with.

Mobility, you only have your own perspective on those things.

But I think to be able to put some of those things down and articulate it in a way that you can then go and read about it, to understand it, to share it in a different way, that's a really lovely way of being able to do that.

It is.

And there's nothing more important, of course, than, than raising children.

And if you think about it, who raises children?

You've got educational systems, you've got influences from media, you've got family and friends, of course, communities, all contributing to raising children.

And we all have a tremendous part to play.

We look at the parenting part.

I know you have three children and you and your wife, I'm sure, spend a lot of time in this, but, you know, how do we affect our children in a positive way, especially in this sense?

And we're talking about education.

How do we make them be a successful student?

How do we help them, encourage them to excel, to enjoy what they're doing and be a lifelong learner?

So parents struggle with this.

And that's.

That's the topic, which is.

It's a big one.

There's no simple kind of thing to say about it, but that's the topic I'm passionate about, very interested in how to affect that.

And I think for us, we sort of tried to tread this very fine line between being supportive of a school and the learning, but also questioning as well.

I mean, one of the reasons that this podcast even started was because I was doing music work workshops in schools, and I was seeing teachers banging their heads against a brick wall in the staff room, going, I got into it to do all the sorts of things that you're talking about, and I'm spending most of my time, you know, tick boxing or paperwork and all of that.

Kind of thing.

And also my kids were younger and going through school and I was hearing a lot of rhetoric within school about how it's about, well, being and child first and all of these kind of things.

But then at the same time, one instance was that my daughter said, oh, we didn't do PE and physical education today because we didn't get a high enough sort of test, test result, which is.

And they had some exams coming up.

And I was like, well, the two things just don't matter.

You know, you can't have the rhetoric and the reality.

And so, yeah, that sort of fine line that we often sort of draw between, yes, you know, study hard, do in, sort of investigate what you're doing.

Of course, you're within an education system that you have to kind of work within to some extent.

But also, you know, how does it work for you?

You know, what do you need?

What's important for your mental health, for your well being, for your learning, you know, is working, you know, 18 hours a day because you've got so many things you've got to do, actually a positive thing.

You know, how does rest fit into this?

How to outside activities, how does music, how does the arts, how does sport fit in with all those things as well?

And sort of having that sort of rounded idea, you know, an idea of society and how you're fitting in with that and your friends and your family.

And then all of a sudden that bigger picture starts to sort of create these other conversations which I think are really important.

Then as they start to find their identity and what's important with them, and just because everyone's telling you to do X, Y and Z, how does that fit in with what you think?

And like you said, if you're going to be a lifelong learner, how do you want to learn?

Sort of from a practical sense and also what it is that you want to learn and the influences around that.

Right.

Parents have an influence on the institution themselves.

You know, they do any school that is worth their value.

They're interested in what parents have to think, what they say about the curriculum, about the staff, about the facility, whatever, whatever is going on at that institution where your child is.

And you should exercise that power.

You should exercise that in a positive way.

In other words, you should voice your concerns.

Well, that's very, very important.

Your effect on the institution, though, is not as great as your effect on your child.

Okay, so, and when I say the institution, I mean in general and then also specifically teachers or parents have influence on teachers.

The specific teachers that their child touched during the day, and they need to communicate with them, okay, Individually.

But the most power that a parent has is on their child.

They are the child's first teacher.

Okay?

Best teacher.

And that's where all our energy from these books that we're writing and so on are coming.

When I wrote the super student program that was directed to the teacher and institutions, what they should do for children in the classroom to make their kids successful.

And we need to have a little definition here.

And we talk about a successful student, okay?

I'm not talking about a kid who makes all A's that excels in every subject.

That's not the definition of my definition of a super student.

Okay.

If you have that child, regardless of their abilities and their levels and their interest and their talents, giving their best, doing their best, preparing their best, having a positive attitude and acting within the norms of a property behavior in a classroom, in an institution of learning.

And when you are learning, you're in a classroom, you're with other people.

Now you're talking about a kid who is a successful student or a super student.

Okay?

I believe that if those things are optimized, teachers that are loving, caring, have skills and knowledge and impart in that parents that are supportive and so on, the kid will learn.

Learning is a natural thing.

It's it.

It happens naturally.

Okay?

You have to have the right conditions.

It's like a plant.

If you have the right conditions, the plant grows.

If you don't have the right conditions, the plant will not grow.

It'll wither and die.

So we're talking about a lot of factors.

There's a certain amount of influence parents have on institutions and teachers, but the biggest influence they have is on their own children.

And that's where our books are directed.

You know, what can parents do to improve.

Improve things for their kids and their family?

Because people love their children.

Okay, that's.

That's basic.

And, and take us into to.

What is it that you sort of share within the books and, and, and sort of why specifically you sort of took that particular stance and in that particular situation.

Right.

Again, having gone through parenting, both Jane and I, raising two sons and then having grandchildren, watching our sons and their, their wives and so on, you know, raise their grandchildren, so on.

It is amazing how many parents don't realize, number one, how much influence and power they have with their children.

Probably most of your audience are interested in parenting.

They're there.

They have concerns about their parenting.

They want to improve their parenting.

They want their children to be Good students and be successful in school.

That's good.

I'm going to be speaking to that group.

But I'm not naive enough to think that all families are like this.

There's some families who, they're so involved because of all kinds of things.

The dynamics of this world and what's happening and their own situations and so on.

They're kind of lost in things happening very quickly, and their kids kind of get shoved to the side.

They, they, they.

It's an afterthought almost.

It's, it's kind of like part of what's going on, but they're not really absorbed in it.

Okay.

And, and I'd love to talk to those parents, you know, to wake them up and realize what is important in life.

Because obviously you can have all the money mark in the world, you can have the greatest position and everything else, but the legacy you're going to leave is with your children, okay?

It's with your children and your grandchildren.

That's what you're going to leave.

If that's important to you, that's, that's the most important thing that you have on earth, okay, Besides your wife and, and your beliefs as far as worship is concerned or whatever.

But it's, it's those kids that are going to be staring in the face as adults when they're 20, 30 years old and they have children and they're, you know, that is the most important thing.

So if you kind of get off that center and realize that those children that are in front of you are the most important and you have tremendous influence with them and you're missing, you're missing the most important time of your life and their life by giving that up, okay, for money, for fame, for promotion, for whatever.

So that's first, number one.

I, in this first part one, there's three parts to the books that we've done.

It's believing yourself as an effective parent.

That's, that's number one.

You have to believe in yourself that you can be effective.

So if you don't believe that, if you don't think that you're important or that they won't listen to you, it's not, it's not going to happen.

Also believe that you have a purpose and a plan for your life and it's, it's involved in your children.

It heavily involved in your children.

You also need to believe in your child's potential, that your children have tremendous potential.

They're human beings.

They're going to grow and develop, and you have to believe they have potential to be everything that they can be, whatever that might be.

Not everyone needs to be an engineer or a doctor or a lawyer.

That's not what's important.

But they need to be self sufficient, confident, respectful, a self learner.

They need to be kind and respectful and loving.

Those are things important.

I often say that.

It's interesting.

You have three times to grow up as a parent.

Once when you're a child, secondly when you're a parent.

And I'll bet you felt that, Mark, when you were raising your children.

You're raising your children.

Don't you feel, didn't you feel yourself getting caught up in things like I'm telling my child not to lie and cheat and I'm lying and cheating and they know it.

You see what I'm trying to say?

Yeah, absolutely.

There's definitely that sense, isn't there, of kind of.

I'm saying be healthy or be, be like this because it's in your best interests and your thinking, am I actually doing that?

Am I saying it or am I doing a version of it?

And like say there's then the implications of what you say against actually what you're demonstrating and what they're actually seeing in your environment.

It's major.

When a child sees the mother and father telling them to be honest or to work hard or to do their best or.

And they see their mother and father doing the opposite, how is that teaching the child to do that?

So that's the second time you have to grow up.

Okay.

That you can.

You, you grow up first as a child and then as a parent.

And then if you're lucky enough, you grow up again as, as, as a grandparent.

Okay?

So this refining process of not only working with your children and your grandchildren is refining you as a human being.

You're getting it, you're getting a double benefit there, okay.

Triple benefit if you get to be a grandparent.

So, you know, look at it as a refining process and, and that you have a purpose and plan in your life to do these things and that your child has great potential also being loving, respectful, hardworking, obedient, trusting and kind and so on.

The skills as far as math and reading and all the different academics, music, art, all those interests, they will grow naturally if the child has this kind of base and understand that these are the things you're interested in.

Okay.

Also, I have down that believing that success, a successful student is more than just that academic achievement, but it leads to success in all aspects of your life.

Attitude.

I think we're talking about your approach to life.

It's positive and so on.

That's the kind of student we want, okay?

That's the kind of things parents can and should be working on as they prepare.

Be.

Be passionate about your own learning.

So, like, programs like you have here on your podcast and other things that you do.

Mark, parents are listening to these things for a reason.

Okay?

They're.

They hear, you know, education on fire, you know, so they already.

Those parents that are tuning in are interested in improving their own lives, whether they're reading books or looking at programs or podcasts like you have.

That's good.

Okay?

That's.

That's good.

So they.

They want to learn these things.

So those are some of the beliefs we start with in the book.

Just talking about in more detail in the book.

But then there are skills.

Actually, there's.

There's eight skills that they should be teaching their children at home and in a school setting as the school year goes on that are really important.

Okay?

So those eight skills I also have listed that are.

Some of them sound like common.

It's common sense.

Okay?

And those are the skills that they should be developing and working on.

I.

I've cited eight of them, and.

You sort of say that they're sort of common sense in that kind of thing.

But do you think there.

There is something important about having them listed, about seeing them, about understanding them?

Because like I say, they might be part of what you think is common sense and what you do, but until they're articulated really clearly, maybe you don't have that focus in the same way that you might have as these sort of.

I say you sort of go through them one by one.

You're exactly right.

In fact, in the program that I had for teachers that was called Super Student, I had these eight skills, okay?

Actually, I have them right here.

Okay.

I had them on the desks of every child.

Okay?

So, for example, let's take the first skill.

I will listen, obey, and trust my teacher.

It sounds like common sense, doesn't it?

I will listen, obey, and trust my teacher.

Very, very important.

Extremely important.

Sounds like common sense.

Something that parents should reinforce at home.

Teachers assume that this should be done, but many of the kids that come to their class, they don't do that.

They never heard about it.

They don't want to do it.

And so there's conflict.

If they have 20 or 30 students in front of them and they have five or six or 10 that aren't doing this is disruptive in the classroom.

Okay.

From the parents point of view.

All they can do is control or let's say, have influence directly on their own child.

This is something you need to teach your child.

And it's so important.

I will listen, obey and trust my teacher.

They need to support in the home setting that important sentence to the child in front of the teacher.

Okay?

When they go to conference, when they're meeting with their teachers, they need to do this.

And I've seen this so many times, neglected or not, you know, they'll take the child's side instead of telling the child, you will listen, obey and trust your teacher.

We, look, we, you know, we expect your teacher to teach you.

We know she will or he will.

And we want you to do this.

This is what we want because we love you.

We so pressing.

That first one is so, so important.

If you have a disagreement with the teacher, there might be some parents out there thinking now, well, hey, that, that teacher, you know, is a pain in the neck.

You know, she's.

If you start talking trash in front of your child about the child's teacher, that kid has just got a foothold on more disruption in the classroom.

They're not going to be listening.

They feel my mother and father think badly about the teacher and I don't want to be here.

I don't like the teacher, so why should I listen to her?

Just the worst thing you can do if you're not getting any, you should meet privately with the teacher to deal with that aspect.

And if you're not getting anywhere with that teacher privately and your child not knowing you're having, you need to change the teacher.

You need to switch teachers and meet with the administration and see if they can give you another teacher.

If you're not happy with the school, leave the school.

So do you see what I'm trying to say about power for the te.

The parent.

Parent has this power that is their child.

They are the best teacher for the child.

They're the first teacher for the child from the minute the child is born.

And they need to kind of follow up on that, that power and that, that good, meaning that they have belief in their kids and be a spokesperson and advocate for that kid.

So that's number one.

For example, there are others that I have listed and just wanted you to maybe have a comment about that or some kind of thoughts about that.

I think the advocacy is really important because it's so easy for people to say, oh, that's all very well and good, but the reality is that they're just at school.

They just have this teacher, this is just the way the world works.

And I think, like you say to our, be able to articulate and actually have a, you know, in.

In the best possible way.

Let's have a private conversation if it needs to be private.

If you're not prepared to listen to me, I'm going to speak to somebody else within the school or let's say whatever the scenario is, because then you're empowered.

And I think that empowerment then goes through to your child as well.

And then it's that kind of, you know, that's going to be so important through the rest of your life because you want to make those decisions based on what's best for you.

You want to stick up for yourself.

You want to give yourself the best chance of learning.

You know, what is it that you're actually waiting for if you're not going to be doing that.

Exactly.

Now, Mark, you told me you had three children.

You certainly.

Your kids must have had a teacher that didn't like.

Am I right or wrong?

They certainly had favorites and less favorites.

Yeah, absolutely.

Okay.

So when you run into a teacher that you don't like and it's going to happen, I don't care if it's in elementary school, if it's in middle school, high school, college, whatever it might be, you're going to meet somebody who's in front of you, who's in charge of a class and your instruction.

You don't like them or you don't like what they do.

So, I mean, how do you handle that?

You know, if you're in college, you're going to handle it differently than if you're in elementary school.

Your parent is an advocate.

So there are ways to go about this.

And the parent needs to let the child know that I will listen, obey, and trust my teacher.

And then they need to know how to go about doing that.

If the, if the teacher is actually the problem.

Here's another one.

I will raise my hand to speak.

Teaching your child that.

Why do you think that would be important?

I guess that's a sense of kind of being respectful for whatever's going on at the time.

But also, then you've got your.

You've also got the full attention of the person when they're coming to you to then ask you what it is that you want to.

You want to clarify, I guess.

Exactly.

Sounds so common.

Like, hey, you're in a group, you know, of course you're going to raise your hand.

Not all kids know that.

Not all kids know that their parents believe this is important, and there's something there.

Children do care about what their parents think is important.

Okay, well, he won't listen to me.

He never listened to me and everything.

You know, you'll hear this comment from a parent.

You know that's not true.

It's not.

It's a lie.

If you genuinely love your child and you've showed that love is an action word, you have to do love, not.

Not talk love.

If you do love your child, you show you love your child, that child's affected by that.

If you say to the child, you know, Janie, I want you to raise your hand.

When you're in a group, you need to speak.

Okay?

You raise your hand because there are other children around, and she can't have everyone yelling out.

Just need to do that.

It sounds like it's an elementary thing, but this happens in 4th, 5th, 6, all the way up.

You know, it'll happen.

So very important.

I will think along with the speaker.

That's number three.

A skill that you can teach and talk and demonstrate and actually work with your kid on.

I will think along with this big.

That's what you and I are doing right now.

I'm listening to you.

You're listening to me.

I'm asking a question.

You're asking me questions.

We're thinking together in a group.

You need to do the same thing.

When Bobby over here is answering the teacher's question.

Needs to listen to Bobby.

Why?

Because what he's saying you might learn something from.

So these are.

That's three out of eight points or skills I'm talking about.

You get the idea, Mark?

How.

How this goes?

It's very specific.

Now, it'd be nice if the teacher in the classroom also in elementary especially, and we're talking elementary, kindergarten, first and second and third, you know, specifically, even preschool would be great.

They start to reinforce these things, too.

Then you got the parent and you got the teacher saying the same thing, and you're going to have progress then.

Okay.

Yeah.

I think it gives you an idea.

Yeah, yeah.

And I think that's the key element there, and I've heard that before from people, is the fact that you can talk about.

You're doing your bit as a parent, as a teacher, as someone who's involved in these learning things individually.

But the real power comes when you're doing it collectively for the right reasons, because you're all singing off the same hymn sheet effectively and.

And like, say, at that point, everything's being involved in a positive way.

And then you get that growth.

And I think you get that solid foundation and that understanding, because I think out of that you get a richness of life and you get a.

You get a society that you probably want to be involved in.

And so that ripple effect just becomes a positive one.

But also, you're not just being subservient to what's happening, you're actually doing it with intention.

Because like you say, you're also listening to everybody else.

And you might learn something.

Of course, you might also hear something where you're thinking, I'm not quite sure that I agree with that or I'm not quite sure how that goes.

But as long as you're having an honest conversation and you could do this back and forth, as we said, then that can only be positive, even if maybe your views are slightly different or there's a conversation to be had there.

Exactly.

Exactly.

So every one of these points that I'm making, right, there's not a single teacher in the world who would disagree that these are bad ideas, okay?

Every teacher wants you to be listen.

They want to be trusted, okay?

They, they appreciate if you raise your hand.

They want you to think along with the speaker.

Okay?

Number four is I'll be prepared for my work.

That's something parents would teach their children.

Now, there's not a single teacher in the world who would say, that's all right.

If you're not prepared for your work, don't worry about it.

That's like, that's stupid.

Okay?

So you need to be prepared for your work.

The next one is, I'll do my best.

I will give my best.

Now again, remember, the child is looking at you.

Also, when you're starting to talk about these things, if you talk about anything in your family, they're going to be watching you.

Are you do do these things?

Are you giving your best?

Are you prepared?

Do you care and listen to when mommy talks or when daddy talks or do you know.

So they're looking at the family dynamics, not only the school dynamics, but they're looking at.

That's why I was saying is that it's a.

It's a double slap in your face as a parent.

If you're talking.

You're a hypocrite if you're talking about one thing to your kid and you're doing something else, okay?

You have to avoid that at all costs.

That's just, you know, if you're a good thief and you're teaching your kid to be thief, that would be more of an honest scenario, okay?

To that to talk about a ridiculous comparison.

But so they're going to absorb suck up.

They're going to do what you do.

That's an important thing to kind of remember.

Is that a challenge?

Yes.

Does it sometimes be frightening?

Oh, yes, it's frightening.

It's scary because you got a mirror in front of you all the time.

You're, you know, like, you know, I haven't been honest.

And, you know, the kid may even bring it up to you later on as they get older.

They'll say, you know, you tell me not to do this or do that, and look at you, you do the same thing.

So those are a couple of things.

Number six is I will finish my work.

See, I'll be prepared for it.

I'll give my best and I'll finish my work.

Teachers love it.

When you finish your work, give your best, try your hardest.

These are the kinds of things that will promote learning.

They make you a better learner.

You'll be.

You'll learn more.

So these are the things parents should focus on and teachers certainly would appreciate.

Appreciate these things.

Number seven is I'll work out problems with others.

How much do we need that in the world today?

Absolutely.

And I think also it's.

It's that sense of.

I think a combination of a lot of the things that you've mentioned so far are really important in that because it has to be a dialogue.

It has to be the fact that, like I say, some of the issues that we're facing need collective authority, collective understanding, thinking outside of the box, which is, you know, from having those sort of sent those conversations which take you somewhere where you didn't necessarily think you were going to go.

But as you said, if you're prepared and you do the work and all of those other things that come into play, you're much more likely to find yourself or society or your particular world that you're living in, to be supportive and helpful and be a guiding light in whatever way that.

That that may affect you.

And so again, you get that sort of positive ripple effect.

You do, you do.

You get a collective effect.

You get a community effect.

And most of all, which brings us to number eight.

I have a positive, healthy attitude.

That's probably one of the most important things.

I love what Charles Swindoll talks about, about being a success in life.

I don't know if you're familiar with Charles Swindoll.

No, I'm not.

Okay.

He's a Christian writer and he writes.

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.

Life to me is more than important than facts.

It's more important past than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say I do.

It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill.

It'll make or break a company, a church, a home.

The remarkable thing is we have a choice every single day about our attitude.

We can't change our past.

We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way.

We can't change the inevitable.

But the only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude.

I'm convinced that life is 10% of what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it.

And so it is with you.

We are in charge of our attitudes.

You own that.

You're in charge of your attitude.

Your children need to know what the parents, our parents need to know it.

We need to know it that right now I'm in charge of my attitude.

Whatever's happening in my life.

You see these people, we were talking about Western Carolinas and so on, the difficulties that they are going on and the various, Their attitude about that disaster, they're trying to pull together.

They're.

They're using their faith, they're.

They're using community.

They're so how they go through that and the way they think about their attitude affects not only their present, but their future.

So it is with you, with me, with anyone, as we're going through things, that attitude we have, as we're going through it is vital.

It's really important.

And so it is with working with children and working with, as a parent and trying to have your kid be the best student they can be.

Attitude important.

Yeah.

And I think you sort of mentioned there about the different sort of parts of life and how you're growing.

And I think in, in just what you said there as well, that essence of it being a journey, because that reinforcement of your attitude or the decisions you make or how you're showing up is a moment by moment decision, isn't it?

Because it's you.

It's not like I've read this book and now I get it, or this is how I am and that's it forever more.

I'm, you know, I'm 20 years old now and I've, I've.

I've been through.

I've had a great, A great childhood.

My parents have been so supportive and here I go.

And then you never think about any of that stuff again.

It's going to be a regular thing in those foundations hopefully put you in that way.

But I think that reinforcing the journey of I'm going to do it again, I'm going to do it again, if there's a challenge, it might even test some of those things that you've been believing.

But I think it also gives you that structure in that support network to enable you to take that next step, whatever.

That's going to be excellent, Mark.

It's.

It's so important as, as you well know, when you're raising children and even helping as a grandparent, they're going to run into pro.

You're going to run into problems.

That's life, okay?

They're going to run into bad teachers and bad situations, sickness, illness, various things that happen, bullies, kids that are bothering them, whatever it might be, okay?

And for you to kind of get above that and think, I've got to be strong here.

I need to project the right attitude to my child.

I need to let them know that life is a series of bumps and back and forth and tides and so on.

And I have to project that.

I have to let them know that they can get through this, that we will get through this.

We'll get through this together, okay?

It's difficult right now, but we will not quit.

We.

I love you, I care for you.

And we will not.

We will not falter from our plan.

We will continue.

Do you understand what I'm saying?

Because as a parent, you can get depressed, you can.

You can feel down, you know, various things in your own life, and then all of a sudden your child's got a problem with school and with another kid in school, with a group of kids in school, whatever the teacher, the subject.

So you have to maintain this positive attitude.

There's going to be times you fall back and say, but you got to regain that and things will work out.

Yeah, And I guess that's why it's always a forward path, isn't it?

Because like I said, if you hang your hat on the fact that you need to be a straight A student student, or you need to do X, Y and Z in order to be successful or life needs to look a certain way, we know that that's not the case.

And so the things that we're talking about here is that no matter what your external factors are, you can incorporate the things and the, like we said, the scaffolding that you've got to kind of make it whatever you need today.

And I think one of the things I've learned as a parent is the Fact that that very much comes back to you through what you need to do for your children as well, because you need to be in exactly, you know, the best version of all of those things we've spoken about in order to there share that, be the guiding light for that, be in a position to support everybody.

Because if you take that away from yourself, no matter what you're saying to anybody else, that there's, there's a definite disconnect there, which was like you say, you know, that it's not just showing, it's actually being.

And, and how that then comes across and, and that can be very challenging as well.

But I think it all starts with you.

You know, we're having this conversation about what you've done, what we've done, what we've experienced, and we're talking about it in that context of how that will affect other people.

But it starts with you, whoever you are and what you're trying to do.

It's true.

You're going to make mistakes.

Okay, that, that.

I mean, as a parent, you're going to make mistakes.

As a teacher, you said you taught music, you were in classes and so on.

You know, yourself, where you went into a lesson, or you, whatever you were doing, you know, it was wrong, you shouldn't have, shouldn't have taught it that way or you shouldn't have.

You know, you're going to make mistakes.

But it's rebounding.

That's, this is, it's that attitude we're talking about, that positive attitude.

So it's vital, very important.

Yeah, it really is.

So that's kind of an overview of what we're looking at now in the, in the part two and part three of this series.

You know, I talk about strategies that, that parents can use specifically, you know, things that they need to be more aware of.

But that, that's the start of what we have on our minds right now.

Yeah, no, I think it's really important for people to hear that and also to know that they're there.

I say there are answers out there, but it's really more that there are questions and answers and there are conversations and there's understanding and there's development and, and experiences.

And I think that's the great thing about having things written down and having access to these things, because it'll come to you at the right time.

You know, you're listening to this podcast and you're looking for something that's going to give you what you need or whatever that happens to be.

And then here we are John suddenly turns up and he's got the books and he's got these.

These things that he can sort of share with you.

And I sort of love the way that that sort of correlation works.

And you mentioned, you know, working in the education system for so long and understanding the education system sort of within it and outside of it from a parental point of view and how those things go together.

Is there a particular experience that you had which you'd like to share, or a teacher that you remember, or I guess it might even be a colleague based on.

On all the years of experience that you've got that kind of support, that sort of thing.

I was fortunate that I had so many wonderful teachers.

Not all of them were good.

Okay.

But very.

But they all seem to have.

Have the same qualities, you know, that they were loving and kind, respectful.

If you made a mistake, they were encouraging.

I mean, that's the kind of person that you want to be around when you're something difficult, whatever.

And Mrs.

Dott Dietrich, I think about her as my cooperating teacher when I was starting to teach and, you know, I'm starting to teach, and then you're nervous and you're making mistakes, and she would take you aside at.

Take me aside at the end of the lesson, and she would point out, you know, the various things that I needed to do.

And she did it in such a loving and kind and respectful way that she sticks out in my mind as just someone wonderful to.

To exemplify and so on.

And oddly enough, I took her job, she retired, and I took her classroom.

And so once in a while she would come back to visit and so on.

And she was a lovely, lovely lady.

And we became such good friends, Jane and I, to her family.

So, yeah, that.

That's the kind of thing.

I was fortunate enough to have good parents who were, again, my first teachers, and they were wonderful.

So those kinds of people you remember, I'm sure you remember, Mark, people that were teachers in your life.

People.

Yeah, absolutely.

And it's so much about how they make you feel.

It's so much about the.

The human connection and not the wisdom that they're necessarily passing on or the fact that they were the great history teacher or geography teacher or elementary teacher, whatever.

It happens.

Exactly.

It's the fact that they knew who you were.

They were trying to get the best out of you, to share that, to sort of be able to give you that sort of fertile foundation to make that work.

And I think, like, say it's so easy to get into the nuts and bolts of the learning and schooling and all that.

But I think if you can keep the heart of what you're trying to do there and that understanding again on that hourly, daily, monthly, yearly basis or however often you get to sort of be part of that, you're never going to go too far wrong for what's actually truly important and have that right conversation or that right.

Look to the child at the right time because they need it or whatever that situation may well be.

Exactly right, Mark.

Exactly.

Is there a piece of advice you'd like to share?

And this might even be a piece of advice you might give your younger self now, looking back, or certainly something which we, I mean we've covered so much great advice already today, but anything brings to mind.

I think enjoy parenting.

I worked at it.

Jane.

I think actually enjoyed raising the children better more than I did.

You know, I enjoyed our grandchildren more than my, our own children because I relaxed with it.

You know, I was more dug in and so younger, like you said, our younger self.

And I wanted, we wanted both of us, but I wanted to our kids to turn out white.

Right.

And, and they did.

They did.

But I think I didn't enjoy it as much as I was working on it.

Do you know what I mean?

Yeah.

In other words, sitting back and relaxing with a little bit laughing more about some of the silly stupid things that they did and we did and, and I wish I would have done that more.

Yeah.

And I guess that comes back to that kind of the not hanging up on the getting it right, isn't it?

You know, like you say, laughing about the mistakes.

Yeah.

Can't believe I said that.

Can't believe we did this.

Do you remember when.

And there's always a story about something that sort of keeps coming back on a regular basis which like say, isn't a massive life changing thing, but something which kind of.

Exactly.

It sort of has that human connection which despite being right, wrong or indifferent, actually there's, there's an element of something there which is the essence of what being a family is all about.

Yes, I wish I would have done more of that.

I did it for my grandchildren, but I wish I would have done more with our children.

Yeah, no, I can understand that.

Yeah.

Is there a resource you'd like to share?

And this can be anything from a video, song, film, book, podcast, but something you think the listeners would, would really benefit from.

Yeah, I think again, a quote, I, I mentioned Charles Swindoll, a wonderful writer, over 300 books, just a wonderful person and so on there's various people that have affected both Jane and I in raising our children and helping with our grandchildren and all the rest.

But I think a quote from Corinthians in the Bible about Paul, when he talks about love, I think that's probably.

And I'm sure people are familiar with chapter 13 just.

But to read it and reread it, it really talks good.

It says here that love suffers long and it's kind.

It shows no envy.

It's not puffed up.

It doesn't behave itself unseemly.

It seeks not its own good.

It's not easily provoked.

It thinks no evil.

It doesn't rejoice in evil, but rejoices in the truth.

It bears all things.

It believes all things.

It hopes all things.

It endures all things.

So if you want a challenge to continue to grow in love with your children, it'll not only develop them, but it'll perfect your life profoundly.

So just kind of thinking about that, rereading it and trying to live it.

Remember I told you love is an action word.

It's something you do do and not something you say.

And I.

All I did was say that.

But I think that is really what we're talking about here.

You know, you're going to be the greatest parent you can.

If you can love your child that way, and you're going to be the greatest teacher.

If you do the same thing, your students will love you back.

Those.

Those are the.

Those are the thoughts that I have today.

And, Mark, I just appreciate you so much and what you have on this podcast and the.

The way you've allowed people to come on it and share their thoughts.

Thank you.

No, it's absolutely my pleasure.

And just as we sort of round up, obviously the acronym FIRE is really important to us in terms of feedback, inspiration, resilience, and empowerment.

What is it that just strikes you when you hear that?

Well, that word fire that you have in your.

In your podcast is really what we're talking about when I say power parenting.

Okay?

The same thing.

It's.

It's explosive.

It's a fire, grows like crazy.

It moves across the landscape.

And I think some of the speakers that you've had on here and your work is doing that.

Okay.

Every little bit counts.

And I love the title of this podcast.

Thanks for that.

Yeah, thanks for that.

And so for those people who've been listening and want to find out more, want to step into all the things that you've been talking about in the books, where's the best place for them to find out more about you.

Well, our website, which is mjchinakapublishing.com the best place to go.

It gives our story and our history and the things that we have out there right now, our children's books and the parenting books we have.

And that's the best way to get in touch with us and so on.

But, yeah, appreciate any interest, any comments about how we can improve.

That would be wonderful.

Fantastic.

Well, John, thank you for your time.

Thank you for sharing all those experiences.

It's been a fascinating conversation.

And yeah, keep up the great work and look forward to chatting again.

Appreciate you, Mark.

Thank you.