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Understanding the psychological barriers that hinder student participation and engagement

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Rhonda Britten — Emmy Award-winner, 4x Bestselling author, Repeat Oprah guest, Tedx Speaker, Huffington Post Contributor, and Master Coach – has devoted her life to one thing: teaching people how to master fear. She has created a method for anyone to overcome the insidious fear of “not being good enough” using the “Wheel Technology” she developed to save her own life.

What she teaches is what she has lived.

The episode presents an in-depth exploration of the multifaceted relationship between fear, teaching, and learning. Rhonda Britten introduces her innovative methodologies, including the ‘Wheel of Fear’ and the ‘Wheel of Freedom’, which serve as frameworks for understanding the psychological barriers that hinder student participation and engagement.

She posits that fear is not merely a personal flaw but a universal experience that shapes behavior and learning in profound ways. Rhonda reflections on her own educational journey reveal the detrimental effects of fear on student participation, highlighting the need for educators to adopt a more empathetic approach.

Significant transformation in education requires educators to first address their own fears and emotional needs. By prioritizing self-care, teachers can cultivate an environment conducive to authentic learning and emotional safety, allowing students to express themselves freely. This conversation is a call to action for educators to engage in self-reflection and to foster a fearless culture in their classrooms, ultimately leading to a more enriching educational experience for all.

Takeaways:

  • The Wheel of Fear and Wheel of Freedom offer frameworks to understand personal fear dynamics.
  • Identifying one’s core fear can significantly shift perspectives and enhance personal growth.
  • Authenticity in education requires teachers to understand their own needs and emotions.
  • Students often conceal their fears, which can hinder their learning and engagement in the classroom.
  • Teachers must prioritize self-care to effectively support their students’ emotional and educational needs.
  • Creating a supportive classroom environment necessitates a focus on students’ individual experiences and needs.

Website

https://fearlessliving.org

https://fearlessliving.org/risk/

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Transcript
Speaker A

It creates something called the wheel of fear and wheel of freedom.

Speaker A

Because I fundamentally believe that we all have what I call the core fear.

Speaker A

And when you understand what your core fear is, everything shifts.

Speaker A

Like, everybody has fear.

Speaker A

It's part of our neurobiology.

Speaker A

There's no getting rid of it.

Speaker A

It's about understanding it.

Speaker A

I went through high school, junior high, high school, and college without raising my hand.

Speaker A

And when I was in college and I saw all these people raising their hand, I remember thinking in my freshman year, well, they're so stupid.

Speaker A

Why are they raising?

Speaker A

Should be able to figure this out.

Speaker A

It was at the end of my freshman year in college when I started realizing that the smartest kids in the class were the ones that were raising their hands, and the more successful kids were the ones raising their hands.

Speaker A

So when you're caught on your fear responses and you know, your wheel of fear and your wheel of freedom, then you just have to simply do one thing.

Speaker A

You just have to move to the wheel of freedom and start living from that essential nature of yours.

Speaker A

Fear doesn't visit you unless you're in the unknown.

Speaker A

Fear doesn't visit you unless you don't feel unsafe.

Speaker A

If you're sitting on the couch eating Doritos, fear doesn't come up.

Speaker A

What if your ability to take care of your needs or inability to take care of your needs is actually why you're here in this moment, is to identify that and help yourself.

Speaker A

This is my opportunity.

Speaker A

This is my petri dish.

Speaker A

This is my opportunity to make an impact.

Speaker A

So in order to make a difference, I have to make a difference to myself.

Speaker A

I have to do what I need in order to take care of myself, in order to have the fortitude and the wherewithal and the resilience to actually be attentive in the classroom.

Speaker B

Hello, that's Rhonda Breton from Fearless Living.

Speaker B

We know that wellbeing is really important within education.

Speaker B

We know that a lot of children, a lot of teachers, either are in fear in terms of how they're going to look after themselves, how they're feeling stuck, how they can move forward.

Speaker B

I really hope this conversation, with some real practical steps and understanding by such an expert guest, can get that conversation going and give you a good starting point to help make your life easier and also more authentic.

Speaker B

Hello, my name is Mark Taylor, and welcome to the Education on Far podcast, the place for creative and inspiring learning from around the world.

Speaker B

Listen to teachers, parents, and mentors show how they are supporting children to live their best, authentic life and are proving to be A guiding light to us all.

Speaker B

Hi, Rhonda.

Speaker B

Thank you so much for joining us here on the Education on Far podcast.

Speaker B

This is going to be a really important conversation, I think, because we know that so many children are frightened about putting their hand up to ask questions.

Speaker B

They're frightened about the unknown.

Speaker B

They're frightened about the world that's around them, let alone teachers who are trying to keep themselves in a safe place and not wanting to maybe put their hands up figuratively about what they think their classroom should look like and the education should look like.

Speaker B

So many things that we can discuss.

Speaker B

Yeah.

Speaker B

Thanks so much for being here.

Speaker B

Looking really excited about diving into this.

Speaker A

Excellent.

Speaker A

Me, too.

Speaker A

Nothing better than a conversation about fear and no other subject that I like talking about than people supporting each other, teaching education in any way, shape or form.

Speaker A

So super excited.

Speaker B

Fantastic.

Speaker B

So why don't we start in terms of your idea of what education is in a fearless way?

Speaker B

I know that you've got a relative that's a teacher.

Speaker B

You sort of have that sort of one step removed idea, plus obviously your own experience of actually being a student.

Speaker B

So, yeah, take us first of all, what you think that fearless sort of learning is to begin with.

Speaker A

You know, that is such a hard question, because when I.

Speaker A

When you ask me the question, I think to myself, well, fearless education is actually paying attention to what the student needs and what's really the underlying reason for the education.

Speaker A

I think sometimes we get caught up in what we're teaching rather than why we're teaching it.

Speaker A

And if we focus on the why, it's, for me personally, of course, it's a lot easier to teach the what, it's a lot easier to teach the how.

Speaker A

So I think sometimes we just get focused on, you know, they've got to learn it this way, and it's got to be happened this way, and I've got to get it done by that time.

Speaker A

And while all those things are really important, the why I think matters the most.

Speaker B

And I think that's the biggest thing at education at the moment.

Speaker B

I think the idea of a silver bullet changing it is one thing.

Speaker B

It's probably not going to happen now.

Speaker B

We know AI is going to make a big difference, and people are finding their education in a different way, but the majority of people are still just going to school or they're just learning in that traditional sense.

Speaker B

And I think those people that certainly we chat to on the podcast, but understand everything that you've just said about and are able to manipulate the constraints of the system to make that work.

Speaker B

Those are the ones that are having a really big impact, and they are fearless in themselves.

Speaker B

Because even that brings up some kind of interesting conversations with senior leadership and people that they have to be accountable to.

Speaker A

Absolutely.

Speaker A

I mean, it's really hard to.

Speaker A

I should say it's really hard.

Speaker A

And it's very unique or very infrequent when somebody is willing to go against the norm.

Speaker A

And going against the norm is the only time we've ever had massive change in our world.

Speaker A

So the more you are fearless, the more that you're willing.

Speaker A

Willing to stand up, the more you're willing to ask, the more you're willing to reach out, the more you're willing to try new things.

Speaker A

I think the more education supports the client, more for the student, supports everybody there.

Speaker A

But that is.

Speaker A

But that is a fearless act.

Speaker B

It certainly is.

Speaker B

And take us into your idea of what fearless has been, because I know in terms of you've got so many cat lies, as one of my co hosts from Creative Amplifier says, in terms of, you know, podcasting and being an author and being on telly and all that kind of stuff, and how sort of the fearless sort of showing up worked in those.

Speaker B

In those different mediums, or is there sort of a common thread that's sort of the essence of fearlessness within you that kind of can work no matter what your situation?

Speaker A

Yeah.

Speaker A

I think that the question is really, when we're talking about fearlessness, most people think about jumping out of a plane, right?

Speaker A

Like, oh, I'm fearless.

Speaker A

I can jump out of a plane.

Speaker A

You know, I can do anything.

Speaker A

That's not actually the fearless we're talking about.

Speaker A

While it's lovely, don't get me wrong, I want you to be able to jump out of a plane if that's what you want, but it's really about being fearlessly you.

Speaker A

And, you know, one of our most fearless acts is actually to become authentic, is actually to actually know what we think, actually know what we want, actually know what we believe.

Speaker A

Because most people go through this world not actually embracing that or even understanding that they're more like chameleons.

Speaker A

So I survived most of my life by being a chameleon.

Speaker A

I changed based on who I was with.

Speaker A

Right.

Speaker A

And I think that's how many people get through life.

Speaker A

But really, the fearless act is, wait, who am I really?

Speaker A

Who am I authentically?

Speaker A

What.

Speaker A

What do I really believe?

Speaker A

What do I really think?

Speaker A

What do I really want to say?

Speaker A

Those are fearless acts.

Speaker B

So in terms of what you've experienced through your Programs and.

Speaker B

And all the things that you've put together.

Speaker B

Is that something that we need to learn, or is it something which we have, which we then lose?

Speaker B

Because I think from a pupil's appeal to me, or a child's point of view, that sort of toddler age, where everyone is just.

Speaker B

The world is so exciting and they just purely are who they are.

Speaker B

And then as they start to get through education, it starts to disappear because you have to do this, you have to do that.

Speaker B

I'm sort of curious as to.

Speaker B

Is that the same for everybody?

Speaker B

Is it what you see in adults as well, or.

Speaker B

Or what's your experience with that?

Speaker A

Well, I've.

Speaker A

I created something called the Wheel of Fear and the Wheel of Freedom.

Speaker A

So I have a methodology that I created.

Speaker A

And, you know, the way the brain works, the way that we are wired as human beings, is that we actually create a protection system, a safety system by the time we're seven.

Speaker A

So.

Speaker A

And it's not necessarily because of how we were raised.

Speaker A

It could be.

Speaker A

It could be our caretakers, it could be our, you know, what we're influenced by, what our conversations are, you know, what our experiences are, et cetera, et cetera, what our culture is.

Speaker A

But it's also what they have shown now is that some of our fears actually come through our DNA.

Speaker A

So it's not actually anything that actually even ever happened to us.

Speaker A

And so you have to remember always that the number one need we have is connection and belonging.

Speaker A

So in order to feel connected and belonging, we want to feel safe.

Speaker A

So connect.

Speaker A

We want connection.

Speaker A

We go to school, we get all these.

Speaker A

You know, we start feeling like we belong maybe for the first time in our lives, or maybe it's something we're used to, but now those other people, that connection and belonging becomes more important than our own authentic nature.

Speaker A

One, because we're trying to figure ourselves out.

Speaker A

But two, we're not necessarily supported in being ourselves.

Speaker A

I mean, I think about myself growing up, I was never asked how I felt.

Speaker A

Now I do think education has changed and teachers are actually asking students how they think and how they feel.

Speaker A

But how I grew up is, you know, we're just basically, everybody's the same.

Speaker A

In order to help control, in order to deal with.

Speaker A

I mean, there's 20 students in a room, 30 students in a room.

Speaker A

So in order to handle it all, my sister's a math teacher in junior high and high school.

Speaker A

And, you know, in order to just get everybody learning, we have to get on board.

Speaker A

So it.

Speaker A

It becomes the whole.

Speaker A

Takes away the individual, but then the individual has to find their way to stay themselves, to be true to themselves in the whole.

Speaker A

But that's not easy, that's not easy to navigate.

Speaker A

And if you don't have a parent, if you don't have an educator, if you don't have somebody in your life that supports that or sees that, it's very easy to disappear out of the need to connect and belong, out of the need to be loved, and out of the need to be accepted out of our needs.

Speaker A

So one, we're not.

Speaker A

Most people don't talk about needs.

Speaker A

I couldn't identify my needs until I was probably in my 30s.

Speaker A

And again, I love it, that school.

Speaker A

Now some of our educators are actually discussing needs.

Speaker A

But when a child doesn't know what they need, when a teacher doesn't know how to ask, when there's no connection about needs, a child has to go into survival mode and safety mode.

Speaker A

Even though it's not a scary environment, they're still got to go into safety and survival.

Speaker B

Yeah.

Speaker B

And I think when you start to realize it's very kind of inherent about who they are and like you say, it's a one size fits all the education system in a general sense.

Speaker B

And so, I mean, I often think it's the environment that makes the biggest difference.

Speaker B

But like you say, if it's DNA related as well, it explains why you've got a really, really shy child who's got a loving family that has, you would think, given the opportunity to thrive and to flourish.

Speaker B

But like if it's a, you know, a DNA related thing or just who they are, then their needs, like you say, are going to be very different than a child that's outgoing and just feels very confident.

Speaker B

And so still trying to sort of educate all these people in a different way makes that even more complicated.

Speaker B

And you can start to understand how the frustration start to come in.

Speaker A

It's, it's overwhelming.

Speaker A

I mean, you know, whether you have 15 kids in a class or 30 kids in a class, that's a lot of people to support in, you know, 45 minutes or 40 minutes or an hour, depending on what your school structure is.

Speaker A

So it's just overwhelming.

Speaker A

So a teacher has to stay very, very, very present.

Speaker A

And that in and of itself is a skill.

Speaker A

You know, if you're not used to staying present, that's exhausting.

Speaker A

Like, I remember when I really started, I'll give an example.

Speaker A

When I, I didn't have children, my sister was going away on vacation and I was going to babysit her.

Speaker A

I was gonna go take her, take care of her 2 year old and her 5 year old and I went over there and I was exhausted, right, like by when they went to bed at 8 o'clock.

Speaker A

I couldn't wait to go to bed at 8 o'clock.

Speaker A

It was to be so fully attentive, to be so fully aware of both children at 2 and 5 and what they needed and what was going on and what they were thinking and what they were feeling and what I needed to do.

Speaker A

It was overwhelming.

Speaker A

Now again, I know teachers get used to this.

Speaker A

They build up that reservoir, they build up that resilience.

Speaker A

But still, I mean, how well does the teacher take care of her or himself when you know, when they're not in school and while they're in school?

Speaker A

So I just think that everybody's needs kind of goes out the window so easily so that we get caught up in, all of us get caught up in like, I just better do what I got to do to get through the day.

Speaker B

And so I really love the fact that like you say the important bit is that awareness and actually starting from what you need, how you show up authentically in terms of, but I need this and therefore how do I go about doing that?

Speaker B

Like say, how do I ask for the, the support that I need or no, I'm not going to do this extra something just because everyone else does it, because actually it's not going to support me.

Speaker B

So take us into what you do when you're working with people.

Speaker B

How do you sort of support people to identify that and then sort of how you go through that process to sort of I, I guess reveal themselves or certainly to kind of sort of become their then you fearless self.

Speaker A

Yeah.

Speaker A

Yeah.

Speaker A

Well, what Like I said, I created something called the Wheel of Fear and Wheel of Freedom because I fundamentally believe that we all have what I call the core fear.

Speaker A

And when you understand what your core fear is, everything shifts.

Speaker A

So for instance, I'm going to pull out my book here and I love giving this quiz to students, whether they're my individual clients, whether it's a speaking event, whether I'm doing a TV show, it doesn't matter what I'm doing because people, too many people, I would say most people don't even know necessarily that they're afraid.

Speaker A

For most of my life, I never said I'm afraid or scared ever in my whole life.

Speaker A

Like it wasn't even a.

Speaker A

If you would have asked me if I was afraid, I would have said no.

Speaker A

If you would have asked me if I was scared.

Speaker A

I would have said no because I had no relation to fear or scared.

Speaker A

I didn't have any understanding of it.

Speaker A

So when I came up with, you know, by the way, given to me by source itself because I'm not smart enough for this, it changed everything for me.

Speaker A

Because when I was able to understand how fear works, then I was able to work with fear until I understood what it was.

Speaker A

It was just a big ball of I don't know.

Speaker A

And I always blame myself.

Speaker A

And that's what fear will have you do.

Speaker A

It'll have you blame yourself and, you know, bring yourself down.

Speaker A

So I'm going to read a list of words and nod your head if you can.

Speaker A

If you can, if you're in a safe place, go ahead and shut your eyes.

Speaker A

And if you can't, don't shut your eyes.

Speaker A

And I want you to nod your head if you do any of these things or feel any of these things.

Speaker A

So do you ever isolate yourself?

Speaker A

Do you ever pretend everything's okay when it's not?

Speaker A

Do you ever hide out?

Speaker A

Do you ever compare yourself?

Speaker A

Do you ever settle?

Speaker A

Do you ever whine?

Speaker A

How about judge, get defensive?

Speaker A

Secretly manipulate?

Speaker A

Do you ever complain?

Speaker A

How about wait and call it patience?

Speaker A

Do you ever procrastinate?

Speaker A

What about blame, struggle, worry?

Speaker A

Do you ever deflect?

Speaker A

Do you ever try to control things?

Speaker A

What about, do you ever feel bitter, powerless, resentful, entitled, guilty?

Speaker A

What about disappointed, perfectionistic, people pleaser, indifferent?

Speaker A

Irresponsible, irritated?

Speaker A

Like, probably now, listening to these words, ignored, self, pity, annoyed and victimized.

Speaker A

So how many heads are bopping around and how many people need a chiropractor?

Speaker B

I've just put mine back in place because I think it would have been going like that, right?

Speaker A

So what we do, what we do, Mark, is all of these, all the words that I just read are what I call fear responses.

Speaker A

And most people think it's their problem, right?

Speaker A

So they go, oh, I gotta quit being a people pleaser.

Speaker A

Oh, I gotta quit procrastinating.

Speaker A

I gotta quit worrying so much.

Speaker A

Oh, God, I wish I quit doing so.

Speaker A

And then they beat themselves up and put themselves down for doing it, right?

Speaker A

So these are what most people consider their character flaws.

Speaker A

You know, I just wish I could change.

Speaker A

I wish I would quit doing that.

Speaker A

I wish I could quit, you know, I wish I was better at my boundaries again, whatever they say.

Speaker A

But really what it is, is you don't get overwhelmed unless there's a fear.

Speaker A

You don't procrastinate unless there's a fear.

Speaker A

You don't people, please.

Speaker A

Unless there's a fear.

Speaker A

You don't complain unless there's a fear.

Speaker A

So when you can stop labeling all of the things that I just read and more as character flaws or there's something wrong with you and instead see them as fear responses, that there's literally just a fear on patrol, then you can take away the shame, you can take away the blame, you can take away the, you know, the self, self betrayal.

Speaker A

And you can say to yourself, okay, wait, wait a minute, wait a minute.

Speaker A

This is fear.

Speaker A

Wait a minute.

Speaker A

Let me deal with the fear itself.

Speaker A

And when we can get back and deal with the fear itself, then everything changes.

Speaker A

So before I understood how fear really worked, I thought I had so many problems, right?

Speaker A

Because I was a procrastinator and I was a people pleaser and I worried, right?

Speaker A

I had so many things happening that I just thought I was just flawed.

Speaker A

Like, you know, I just had so many issues.

Speaker A

But when I, again, when I understood, wait a minute, all of this stems from one fear, just one solid fear, one core fear, then I can deal with the fear itself and not get caught on the fear responses.

Speaker A

The fear responses become my telltale sign.

Speaker A

They become the warning.

Speaker A

They become like, oh, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.

Speaker A

Where are your needs?

Speaker A

How are you doing?

Speaker A

Are you being authentic?

Speaker A

Are you being true to yourself?

Speaker A

Et cetera.

Speaker A

Now, not only do I have a wheel of fear which has one core fear, I also created, obviously, the solution, the wheel of freedom that has one essential nature.

Speaker A

So when you're caught on your fear responses, and you know, your wheel of fear and your wheel of freedom, then you just have to simply do one thing.

Speaker A

You just have to move to the wheel of freedom and start living from that essential nature of yours.

Speaker A

And when you start living from that essential nature, I'm not saying that you don't have to learn things, but you know what's happening?

Speaker A

You no longer feel crazy, you no longer feel stupid, you no longer feel selfish, you no longer feel lazy, you no longer feel incompetent, you no longer feel all those things that continuously blame and shame ourselves and then put us in a place where we're disempowering ourselves.

Speaker A

And, and then when we disempower ourselves, how much energy and how much fortitude do we have with the people in our lives?

Speaker B

So let me ask you, why is it that certain, like, say, if there's fear as a whole, why is it that it kind of comes up in certain areas for certain people?

Speaker B

So why is it procrastination or why is it disappointment or whatever?

Speaker B

Is that something that's then learned through our experiences or.

Speaker B

Because I guess that's different for everybody and.

Speaker B

Yeah.

Speaker B

Why is it that certain things show up in that particular way and not for other people?

Speaker A

That's a really good question.

Speaker A

And I think it's nature and nurture, right?

Speaker A

I think it's both.

Speaker A

And again, remember, some things are handed down to our DNA.

Speaker A

So I like to think of fear have knowing everything we know.

Speaker A

It's as smart as we are, as educated as we are, as spiritual as we are.

Speaker A

So fear knows everything we know.

Speaker A

So it just keeps getting smarter and smarter and smarter.

Speaker A

So as we evolve and get smarter and smarter and smarter, it gets smarter and smarter and smarter.

Speaker A

So then it gets trickier and trickier and trickier to see.

Speaker A

So, you know, I don't, you know, there's not like a shy child always goes through this experience.

Speaker A

That's not, that's not exactly how that works.

Speaker A

Right.

Speaker A

But it's our full life experiences, our culture, who we're raised by, you know, what our environment is and our DNA.

Speaker B

And this is essentially why I was really excited about having this conversation.

Speaker B

Because I think even if you have no idea about this until today, because we're now talking about it, it means that when you go into the classroom or when you're a pupil that's suddenly thinking, oh, like you said, I don't have 100 things I need to fix because I'm just completely broken in so many different ways.

Speaker B

I understand the bigger picture and what that's going to look like.

Speaker B

And actually I've got a way that I can understand it, but also move forward and actually literally revolutionize my life.

Speaker B

Because like I say, once you're able to put that in a way that's going to support you, then it does.

Speaker B

I want to say overnight.

Speaker B

That's not strictly true, I'm sure, but it does sort of happen in that sort of melting away because fear is no longer your driving force.

Speaker A

That's right.

Speaker A

So first of all, you're not ignorant, right?

Speaker A

You're not, you're not blaming yourself, thinking you're flawed, right?

Speaker A

Oh, there's something wrong with me.

Speaker A

Why do I procrastinate?

Speaker A

What's wrong with me?

Speaker A

Why do I get overwhelmed?

Speaker A

What's wrong with me?

Speaker A

Because I try to control things.

Speaker A

Oh, I'm just a control freak, right?

Speaker A

So we just label ourselves and disempower ourselves all the time.

Speaker A

But when you can go, oh, I'm in.

Speaker A

I'm feeling out of control because I don't feel safe.

Speaker A

I.

Speaker A

E.

Speaker A

Because fear doesn't visit you unless you're in the unknown.

Speaker A

Fear doesn't visit you unless you don't feel unsafe.

Speaker A

If you're sitting on the couch eating Doritos, fear doesn't come up.

Speaker A

You're not, you know, you're not dealing with overwhelm when you're sitting on the couch eating Doritos.

Speaker A

Right.

Speaker A

So it only visits you when you are contemplating the unknown, when you're living in the unknown, when there's a situation that you're unclear about.

Speaker A

Right.

Speaker A

And again, this is not necessarily conscious or unconscious.

Speaker A

It could be both.

Speaker A

So when you start understanding like, oh, I'm not flawed, there's nothing wrong with me.

Speaker A

I don't have to disempower myself instead and go, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.

Speaker A

I can then look at that child.

Speaker A

I can look at that, that situation and look through it like what needs to happen instead.

Speaker A

Instead of dealing with what's wrong with that kid or what's wrong with me as a teacher.

Speaker A

No, don't go there.

Speaker A

Instead, go, okay, wait a minute, what do I need right now?

Speaker A

If you don't have your wheel of freedom yet, if you don't understand what that is yet, then going to your needs is your number one place to go because that's one of your number one proactive behaviors.

Speaker A

And like I said, most of us don't even know what we need.

Speaker A

And by the way, because we were never taught, we don't even understand needs.

Speaker A

Right?

Speaker A

So you know, do you need safety?

Speaker A

Do you need love?

Speaker A

Do you need connection?

Speaker A

Do you need, you know, accountability?

Speaker A

You know, what do you need right now?

Speaker A

And again, a 5 year old, an 8 year old, a 12 year old, a 15 year old may not know what they need.

Speaker A

May not know that, because again, most of the adults I know don't know what they need.

Speaker A

But this is what we were talking about this earlier, is that the more the teacher, the more the educator, the more the support system actually takes care of their needs, the clearer they are to identify somebody else's needs.

Speaker A

When your needs aren't being met, then it can be very difficult to figure out somebody else's needs and to actually ask the questions that need to be asked.

Speaker A

An educator, a teacher, going to sleep, I know this sounds crazy, but sleeping enough and getting enough water and making sure they have lunch and just taking care of our basic needs is going to make us more impactful and empowering when we're not taking care of our basic needs, then we're, you know, we're not going to have the fortitude within, the strength within, the resilience within to actually deal with somebody who's having an emotional breakdown in front of us because we don't have the tolerance because we don't have the, we don't have the solid core inside.

Speaker A

So it's crazy.

Speaker A

To be a better teacher, to be a better educator, to be more or a better coach is actually to take exquisite care of yourself.

Speaker A

And the more exquisite care you take care of yourself, the more you're available to stay present and the more you're available to shift and focus and not take what's happening in the classroom seriously, that it's not personal.

Speaker B

And I love the fact that this is on so many levels, isn't it?

Speaker B

Because like you say, you can really, I think quite easily understand that.

Speaker B

I'm going to do lunch, I'm going to look after myself, I'm going to get as much sleep as I can because I, I immediately know I'm going to feel better for that and I'm going to show up in a different way.

Speaker B

I think we can all experience that.

Speaker B

But I think the unquantifiable, which is the fact that when all that comes together and you are effectively your authentic self and you're showing up in a way that's very positive, I think people really understand that and they get that in a level that they might not be able to pinpoint or they might not have a conversation about, but the environment that you create and the energy that's around your, your classroom, for example, if we're talking about school is going to be something which is very supportive and something which is going to help everybody with.

Speaker B

You do know it.

Speaker B

Because I think if you're that sort of person and you understand these things, then you're going to obviously know that's the case as well.

Speaker B

But I think like I said, that multifaceted way of doing it, that the energy and the understanding of that and knowing that all you have to do is be yourself to make a bigger difference than actually like you say, the sum of all of those parts put together.

Speaker A

Yeah.

Speaker A

And it's also knowing that there is individual students and then there's the classroom.

Speaker A

Right.

Speaker A

So I think about my sister who's a math teacher and my sister is a very popular and very well loved teacher and you know, she cares about her individual students needs and she definitely supports individual students.

Speaker A

She's a very, you know, she, she will spend time with you and help you figure out this math thing, right?

Speaker A

But she is very clear that everyone's there to support each other, and we're in a group environment.

Speaker A

And that's the other thing.

Speaker A

I.

Speaker A

I mean, I know that's very difficult to do, you know, on a daily basis, but to be like.

Speaker A

Because, you know, as we grow up, we have to understand that it's not all about us all the time, right?

Speaker A

There's a classroom.

Speaker A

There's a whole bunch of people here.

Speaker A

So I.

Speaker A

When I work with parents, so many parents come to me and say, well, I want to learn my wheel of fear, and I want to learn my wheel of freedom, because I don't want my children to have any fear.

Speaker A

And I say, that's not how this works, right?

Speaker A

Like, everybody has fear.

Speaker A

It's part of our neurobiology.

Speaker A

There's no getting rid of it.

Speaker A

It's about understanding it.

Speaker A

I said, but what you can do is when you start understanding how your wheel of fear works, when you understand how your wheel of freedom works, you'll be able to easily more identify what's going on with your kids, what's going on with the classroom, what's going on with everything around you.

Speaker A

Because you start seeing the student separate from their fear, right?

Speaker A

You start seeing like, oh, that's just fear.

Speaker A

That's not the student being a jerk, right?

Speaker A

That they're only being a jerk because there's fear.

Speaker A

And it may or may not be in this classroom right now, but there's something activating them so then it doesn't become personal, right?

Speaker A

Then you can be like, oh, that's just.

Speaker A

That's just, you know, hey, that's just whatever they're doing right now.

Speaker A

And, oh, by the way, not okay or what can I, you know, how can I handle this in this moment?

Speaker A

But just recognizing that, you know, there is no getting, getting away from it.

Speaker A

So even if you have that, I was a.

Speaker A

I was a perfect student.

Speaker A

I was perfect, right?

Speaker A

I was like, I was the teacher's pet.

Speaker A

I was straight A student.

Speaker A

I was like, you know, as good as you could get.

Speaker A

But I also was that student who never asked a question.

Speaker A

I was in the back of the room figuring out math problems by myself because I couldn't raise my hand, because I was given the message that if I raised my hand, I would look stupid.

Speaker A

So I went through high school, junior high, high school, and college without raising my hand.

Speaker A

And when I was in college and I saw all these people raising their hand, I remember thinking in my freshman year, well, they're so stupid.

Speaker A

Why are they raising their hand?

Speaker A

They should be able to figure this out.

Speaker A

And I really 100% believed that.

Speaker A

And it was at the end of my freshman year in college when I started realizing that the smartest kids in the class were the ones that were raising their hands, and the more successful kids were the ones raising their hands.

Speaker A

It made me pause and go, well, what.

Speaker A

Wait a minute.

Speaker A

What's going on here now?

Speaker A

Did I raise my hand in college?

Speaker A

No, I didn't.

Speaker A

But I started wondering if it was okay to raise my hand, right?

Speaker A

So teachers would have thought I was just fantastic.

Speaker A

Like, Rhonda doesn't have any fear.

Speaker A

Look at her.

Speaker A

She's just doing.

Speaker A

Getting straight A's and doing all.

Speaker A

She's just great.

Speaker A

No, I was petrified, right?

Speaker A

So that's the other thing.

Speaker A

It's like to really understand that everybody's dealing with fear.

Speaker A

Even that good kid in the corner.

Speaker A

Even that good kid who's like me, just, like, being perfect and getting all her questions right and getting, you know, studying like, Noba Jeepers.

Speaker A

So I could get a straight A on the test.

Speaker A

Because getting an A was the most important thing to me because that kept me safe.

Speaker A

If I got straight A's, then I could go home with my straight A homework, you know, my report card, and be praised.

Speaker A

So, you know, in my family, it was all about, you know, success and all about, you know, are you getting A's?

Speaker A

If you're not getting A's, then it's like, ugh.

Speaker A

So it was all about performing.

Speaker A

It was all about being perfect that way.

Speaker B

And then your fear is, I've only got an A minus or I got a B, and then the world starts to fall apart or whatever.

Speaker A

I'll never forget when I got my first B and it was in English.

Speaker A

So I'm actually not very.

Speaker A

I was not very good at English, and I'm still not very good at English, even though I'm a writer now.

Speaker A

And I got a B plus in English, and my mother worked at the bank, the local bank that was only two blocks from the high school.

Speaker A

And I went on lunch break after I got my.

Speaker A

My report card and I wailed in the middle of the bank, and I was devastated.

Speaker A

And she had to bring me into the lunchroom of the bank because I was crying so hard because I.

Speaker A

Yeah, it was like a.

Speaker A

It was like a death sentence for me, you know?

Speaker A

So I got two Bs in high school, and they were both in English, and that was.

Speaker A

It was devastating for me.

Speaker A

It was like literally life was going to end.

Speaker B

And, and that's where the openness and the conversations are important, isn't it?

Speaker B

Because if, if the person, your teacher at that point or anyone you were having that conversation with when you were at your, your lowest eb, as it were, in that particular moment was then able to say, but this is what you're going to be in the future.

Speaker B

You know, you're going to be a writer, you're going to be doing this, you're going to be doing all these things in media.

Speaker B

It's okay, yeah, you haven't failed.

Speaker B

But like I say just what that object.

Speaker B

No, it has to be like this.

Speaker B

It has to be like that.

Speaker A

Well, I also think that, you know, like my sister, I'm going to go back to her as being a math teacher.

Speaker A

My sister is really, really good at pinpointing what the problem is for a particular student and you know, what's what, why aren't they getting it?

Speaker A

Like, what is it they're missing?

Speaker A

And she's really good at diagnosis, diagnosing.

Speaker A

I don't think all teachers are like that.

Speaker A

Right.

Speaker A

So my English teacher didn't diagnose me and help me figure out to get over that hump.

Speaker A

I was, I just had the hump.

Speaker A

I didn't know how to get over the hu.

Speaker A

And she didn't know how to help me.

Speaker A

And I, you know, because I didn't speak and because I didn't do it.

Speaker A

And B is probably pretty good.

Speaker A

She didn't even bother with me.

Speaker A

Right.

Speaker A

But I think that most teachers, I mean, obviously there's some amazing, amazing teachers, but I also wonder how many teachers really take the time to diagnose.

Speaker A

And again, I know that can feel exhausting, but when you really start paying attention to how each student learns.

Speaker A

And again, I know that's overwhelming if you have a classroom of 30, then again, it doesn't become personal.

Speaker A

Then it doesn't become they're a bad student.

Speaker A

It doesn't become there's something wrong.

Speaker A

They really do have.

Speaker A

They just don't get it.

Speaker A

I mean, I was learning something recently and I have learned things about myself where I take sometimes.

Speaker A

I mean, some things I can learn really quickly, but there are things that I just don't get.

Speaker A

I actually went and just got my master's degree in creative writing.

Speaker A

Okay, back to the old English.

Speaker A

Right.

Speaker A

And there was something I literally couldn't get now.

Speaker A

The old Rhonda.

Speaker A

The Rhonda and fear.

Speaker A

I would have never admitted it, but this time I literally asked my Professors, I was like, I don't get it.

Speaker A

I go, now I know I will get it.

Speaker A

I understand what you're saying logically.

Speaker A

I get what you're logically saying to me, but I do not know how to do that myself.

Speaker A

Logically, I get it.

Speaker A

I could probably even teach it, but I do not know how to apply that to my, you know, my book I'm writing right now.

Speaker A

And, you know, I literally asked.

Speaker A

I was in school for three years and I.

Speaker A

I asked every professor to help me get it, and I would get it and then I'd lose it, and then I'd get it and then I'd lose it.

Speaker A

And, you know, but I wasn't upset with myself.

Speaker A

I didn't, you know, I wasn't.

Speaker A

I didn't put myself down.

Speaker A

I just was like, yeah.

Speaker A

Cause there's something in the way that I learned.

Speaker A

There's something in my brain that even though logically I understand it, the application for me is more difficult.

Speaker A

Right.

Speaker A

So, I mean, that's the other thing.

Speaker A

It's just such a fascinating.

Speaker A

The brain and how we learn is so fascinating.

Speaker A

And it is a lifelong endeavor about not only as a teacher learning about our students, but learning about ourselves, what works for us.

Speaker B

And there are a couple of things there which I think are really important.

Speaker B

One is the fact that, like I say that lifelong learning, that just changes the whole way you're thinking about school and everything to begin with.

Speaker B

But I think when you were saying, well, there's also the two tiers of education.

Speaker B

It's like, we can support you if you're failing, because that doesn't look very good for the school.

Speaker B

And also if you're super high achieving, there's usually a program or something for someone like that.

Speaker B

But if you're anywhere in the middle or anywhere that's just deemed to be doing good, then like, say, whether it's time, space, the amount of energy that you've got to do that, so many people get lost.

Speaker B

But I think for me, the biggest takeaway so far is that idea, the word of recognizing.

Speaker B

Because I think even if you don't understand some of the things that we've mentioned in terms of different types of fears or whatever, I know that actually in this situation there's an emotional pool for something.

Speaker B

And if I'm then going to go and drink a bottle of wine, then I'm recognizing that's probably not what it wants to be.

Speaker B

If I'm just going to go and eat a load of Stu, if I'm gonna, you know, Binge on ice cream.

Speaker B

If I'm gonna, like, say, procrastinate and not do what I know I need to do, if you can at least just recognize that that's just something that's happening, especially if there's an emotional pool in there as well, then immediately, you know, following our conversation and being aware of what we're talking about, then there's something that you can think about or do and also get involved in a program that's gonna help you do that.

Speaker B

And I think that's such a key, a key thing for people to know that even if you can't pinpoint what that emotion is or where it's coming from, there's probably an action that goes along with it which, you know, isn't serving you.

Speaker A

Yeah, I mean, I think about my business and what I do.

Speaker A

You know, I teach adult learners.

Speaker A

I've gone into high schools in the past, but most likely I'm going to be in a college or I'm an adult in adult learning.

Speaker A

So one of the things that I recognize is that my business, what I do, is my greatest spiritual development.

Speaker A

So from a place of spiritual development, from a place of health and fitness and wellness, it is always asking me to take better care of myself, to be more awake and aware.

Speaker A

When we think of our profession as part of our higher classroom, so to speak, when we think of it as part of our spiritual development, when we think about it as our personal playground for our own work, instead of thinking of ourselves only as a giver, right?

Speaker A

Like, oh, I'm giving.

Speaker A

I'm giving.

Speaker A

I'm doing this for my students.

Speaker A

I'm doing this.

Speaker A

But no, what if your ability to take care of your needs or inability to take care of your needs is actually why you're here in this moment, is to identify that and help yourself?

Speaker A

Like, what if your path really is, how well can I take care of myself in the midst of what I'm doing for a living, Right?

Speaker A

What I say I love, or maybe what you don't love right now, and even that in and of itself, if you went into teaching and you loved it and now you don't love it, it's like, well, wait a minute.

Speaker A

Is that you?

Speaker A

Or is that you know, the students?

Speaker A

But isn't that just you again?

Speaker A

And so again, doesn't mean you can't change your career.

Speaker A

But there's a learning involved about evolving from a place of, like, we went back to talk about awareness.

Speaker A

It's like, what am I meant to learn here?

Speaker A

What am I meant to Lear.

Speaker A

Just not just new school skills, right?

Speaker A

Which is, again, is important.

Speaker A

But me, how can I be more in touch with myself?

Speaker A

Because I believe that when we're more in touch with ourselves, then we're more awake and aware in the classroom.

Speaker A

So I just think that everything that we choose to do for a living is really part of our spiritual unfoldment and part of our call to become who we're meant to be.

Speaker A

So that difficult classroom is supposed to be there in order for you and for me to wake up to how I'm not taking care of myself, how I'm limited in my skill set.

Speaker A

You know, when I train coaches, you know, you hear coaches out in the world, and if you know that world at all, they'll say, oh, I've got to get new clients, my clients.

Speaker A

I have to get better clients.

Speaker A

That's what they say.

Speaker A

I have to get better clients.

Speaker A

Okay.

Speaker A

You know, I always go, don't need better clients.

Speaker A

You need to be a better coach.

Speaker A

Because if you're constantly looking for the perfect clients, if you're constantly looking for the perfect students, then you're the one that has to improve your coaching skills, your teaching skills, your ability to learn.

Speaker A

So, again, are there difficult classrooms?

Speaker A

Of course there are.

Speaker A

Are there classrooms that have students that you just want to pull your hair?

Speaker A

Of course there are.

Speaker A

But again, all those are just calling you to go, wait a minute, wait a minute.

Speaker A

If this is my purpose in life, if this is what I'm meant here to do, and I been invested in this for 10 years, 15 years, 20 years, well, then how can I become who I need to be, who my students need to be, who I need to be for me in order to do the thing that I'm called here to do?

Speaker A

I think so many times we just get so exhausted because I have many teachers that I've coached in the past.

Speaker A

Many teachers end up becoming coaches.

Speaker A

They come because they're burnt out, they're frustrated, they're burnt out.

Speaker A

And really, it's amazing.

Speaker A

What happens is when they start learning coaching skills, they now have a new toolkit that they can bring into the classroom.

Speaker A

And all of a sudden, that exhaustion turns into excitement because now they have additional tools.

Speaker A

So my thing is, I want as many tools as I can get in order to handle as many situations as are needed, as many tools as I need for any situation to be handled.

Speaker B

It's such an important mindset, isn't it?

Speaker B

Because I think if you, like you say, it's a gift.

Speaker B

Every situation that you have, it's telling you something.

Speaker B

It's part of the fabric of the world that you've brought on or is there for you to grow.

Speaker B

Whether you think it's done purposefully or like, say, within the fabric of something, which is another year's worth of podcasts to go into there.

Speaker B

But, like, say, even before you've done anything beyond that, you suddenly are in that space in a completely different way of being because you're, like you say, this child that's given me a really hard time.

Speaker B

Or I'm really struggling to know what to do for the best.

Speaker B

Like you say, everything then flips and it's back to you.

Speaker B

What can I do?

Speaker B

What am I missing?

Speaker B

What am I aware of?

Speaker B

What am I too scared to say?

Speaker B

You know, maybe I just need to ask a question that I didn't want to say because I didn't really want to know the answer or I didn't want to go down the facts.

Speaker B

I think this is going to take me on a journey that wasn't on my radar or whatever that happens to be.

Speaker B

And that's an exciting prospect, like I say, but you have to be open to it.

Speaker B

I guess that's the key thing.

Speaker B

And hopefully people want to open this up before they get to the point where they feel like they have to.

Speaker B

I guess that's probably another important factor.

Speaker A

Well, I'm thinking right now, anybody listening to us right now is that person, right?

Speaker A

The people that don't want that want to blame the kids or want to just be frustrated aren't listening to us right now.

Speaker A

The people are listening to us right now are looking for solutions, are looking for ways to be better, are looking for ways to become more invested in their school.

Speaker A

School and more invested in their students, more invested.

Speaker A

So, you know, anybody listening to us right now, you're already on the path of, you know, self exploration.

Speaker A

You're already on the path of higher consciousness.

Speaker A

You're already on the path of more awareness.

Speaker A

So, you know, your opportunity is to kind of start thinking, well, wait a minute, maybe I need to do yoga every Sunday.

Speaker A

I know that seems silly, but it's not silly at all because that yoga creates nervous system.

Speaker A

You know, we, you know, now nervous system stuff is coming into play, right?

Speaker A

You know, trauma somatic work.

Speaker A

And it's amazing how much somatic work can support students.

Speaker A

I teach students.

Speaker A

I'm not a trauma specialist because I do believe that's therapy.

Speaker A

I believe that takes years of therapy to become a therapist.

Speaker A

But I do know enough about somatics that I can help A student when they're having a difficult time, when they're moving through a difficult emotion, learning just small, somatic things can help you with your students.

Speaker A

Helping them.

Speaker A

Helping you know that if they touch senses, if they touch the fabric on their shirt, right, they come back into the present moment when, you know, you squeeze your legs together really tight and you start calming your nervous system.

Speaker A

So just little tiny things that you can learn in order to not only take care of yourself, but also to support your students with.

Speaker A

Because again, we don't know what's happening in the household many times, most of the time, but we do know how it's presenting in the classroom.

Speaker A

So that's, you know, to take the family out of it for one second and go, okay, wait a minute.

Speaker A

This is my opportunity.

Speaker A

This is my petri dish.

Speaker A

This is my opportunity to make an impact and, you know, not take it as a burden.

Speaker A

Because that's not why you went into teaching.

Speaker A

You went in to make a difference.

Speaker A

So that's what we have to keep in our forefront of our mind, is, wait a minute.

Speaker A

I came to make a difference.

Speaker A

So in order to make a difference, I have to make a difference to myself.

Speaker A

I have to do what I need in order to take care of myself, in order to have the fortitude and the wherewithal and the resilience to actually be attentive in the classroom.

Speaker A

Because if I'm tired, there's no way I'm going to be attentive in the classroom, and I probably going to get frustrated really easy.

Speaker B

And I think the thing is, is that sometimes we think I need to fix the entire thing.

Speaker B

And actually, I think one of the key things of what we've talked about today is I only need to do me.

Speaker B

And every time you do that, the rest of it takes care of itself in a way that you couldn't have even imagined.

Speaker B

And you sort of allow that to be the case.

Speaker B

And we've had conversations before from really sort of insightful educators, but also from a practical standpoint, it's that I know that I can't teach this particular pupil anything because I know at home they're looking after a parent, they won't have eaten.

Speaker B

They are really struggling in life generally.

Speaker B

So it being interested that two plus two equals four is irrelevant to the fact that they just want to be safe and have an opportunity to do that.

Speaker B

And what I really liked about what you just said is the fact that as me, whoever I am, as a teacher showing up or someone that's supporting young people, if I know that these particular ways of talking to someone, like I said, the idea of senses, the idea of being able to create an environment based on who I am and what I'm learning and what I'm able to share in a really small way, it might only affect five of the 30 people in your class, but those five are then going to have a ripple effect beyond that.

Speaker B

The next day might be something different that speaks to someone else in a different way.

Speaker B

And all of these things, they.

Speaker B

They go far beyond anything you can do.

Speaker B

But I think, because like you said, it just goes back to me, I'm telling you this because this is important to me today, and you've no idea what impact it will have.

Speaker B

But all of these things add up to something, which I think as a society, that's what we want and it's all that we can actually do.

Speaker B

Unless you're going to become prime minister or president, and even then, that doesn't really give you the scope to do.

Speaker A

I'm back to my sister.

Speaker A

I'm going to go back to my sister the math teacher, because if you go into my sister the math teacher's room, her whole board is about her personal loves.

Speaker A

And she gives examples based on what she's doing.

Speaker A

She's taking a trip to Europe.

Speaker A

She's going to use that as an example in her math class.

Speaker A

And so her students know her.

Speaker A

They know what she likes, they know what she doesn't like.

Speaker A

I mean, to me, me, Rhonda Britton, in the classroom when I was younger, first of all, none of my teachers ever did that.

Speaker A

And, you know, I was kind of taught that you hide yourself.

Speaker A

You know, you don't tell them that you love green as your favorite color and that you like, you know, margaritas and that you, you know, that you like to go to Florida and the beach, you know.

Speaker A

But my sister does.

Speaker A

She has it all on her board and she talks about it and she uses real life as examples.

Speaker A

So she.

Speaker A

She really brings it into everyday life.

Speaker A

And she actually, when she retired from teaching in a high school, she actually went and taught in a prison.

Speaker A

And so my sister actually went into a prison for, I think she taught there three years, three or four years.

Speaker A

And, you know, that was a fascinating experience for her to go into a prison and teach math.

Speaker A

But again, you know, her whole thing is just like you're saying.

Speaker A

She's all about being practical.

Speaker A

She understands that nobody gives a crap about, you know, two plus two equals four when it has no impact on their life.

Speaker A

But when you can make two plus two equal four, I.

Speaker A

E.

Speaker A

You know, two apples, two sandwiches, and you get to eat lunch.

Speaker A

Then that's a whole different story.

Speaker A

And again, that's a horrible example.

Speaker A

But, you know, bringing real life examples into the classroom so that you can apply it to their life definitely makes a huge impact.

Speaker B

Yeah, that's amazing.

Speaker B

And it's interesting you bring up the.

Speaker B

The prison idea there, because I've literally just finished doing.

Speaker B

Because I'm a musician, so I've just literally done a show in a prison over the last week or so where we've gone in and they put a whole production on inside of Prison.

Speaker B

But that's.

Speaker B

That's another podcast as well.

Speaker B

But it's fascinating.

Speaker A

Yeah, it's just fascinating.

Speaker A

I'm sorry, we're interrupting each other.

Speaker B

No, no, no, but it is.

Speaker B

And it's.

Speaker B

It's that thing about, you know, my skill yesterday in a prison is the same as my skill the week before in a concert hall or in a theater.

Speaker B

But, like, say what you know and how you adapt these things and how you show up and how the opportunities come, you know, to.

Speaker B

To.

Speaker B

To support people and to show up in a way, no matter what that environment.

Speaker B

You know, we're obviously talking about education specifically, it's part of education on Fire, but the, the reach everywhere, like say, with you, then change careers or how you show up within that particular career.

Speaker B

Such an important, important thing.

Speaker B

Now, obviously, the idea of fire is important here in terms of Education on Fire.

Speaker B

And by that we mean feedback, inspiration, resilience, and empowerment.

Speaker B

Is there one word that strikes you out of that or something that immediately comes to mind?

Speaker A

Well, resilience is a huge word for me because I do believe that one of the things that we can exhibit as teachers, as leaders in our community and the world is that resilience.

Speaker A

And of course, I'm a huge.

Speaker A

I mean, these all matter to me deeply.

Speaker A

But empowerment, my whole thing is empowering people.

Speaker A

Do we look at our students?

Speaker A

Do we look at our clients?

Speaker A

Do we look at our students?

Speaker A

Do we look at the people that we're supposedly making an impact on?

Speaker A

And do we look at them as.

Speaker A

And support them by empowering them, or do we disempower them?

Speaker A

And I find that our language for much of so many people is disempowering.

Speaker A

I mean, all the time, little disempowerment.

Speaker A

So language is so critical in the world of fearless living.

Speaker A

It's one of the things that I quote, unquote, harp on with my students is their whole language when they're saying things like not, you know, using the not phrase.

Speaker A

And how can we shift it into the well, what did you do instead?

Speaker A

You know?

Speaker A

Well, I didn't complain today.

Speaker A

Okay, well, what did you do instead?

Speaker A

Right, so we focus on instead of what you didn't do.

Speaker A

That's nice.

Speaker A

Okay, great.

Speaker A

Good work.

Speaker A

But what did you do instead?

Speaker A

Because people don't pay attention to what they do.

Speaker A

Instead, they just pay attention to that.

Speaker A

I didn't do it.

Speaker A

But you did something instead.

Speaker A

You made a different choice.

Speaker A

So most people aren't awake and aware of all the choices they make in a day.

Speaker A

And one of the words that I use, phrase I use is choice point.

Speaker A

You have choice points throughout your day.

Speaker A

And to even help students become aware that they are making a choice, just using that language of choice and decision, using those words is impactful because they don't know that they're making choices and decisions.

Speaker A

They're not aware of it.

Speaker A

They don't understand that going to lunch or not going to lunch is a choice.

Speaker A

Not wanting to go and deal with the bully.

Speaker A

Right.

Speaker A

They don't necessarily say in their mind, oh, I am making a conscious choice.

Speaker A

No, they're not.

Speaker A

They're making an unconscious choice.

Speaker A

So bring it to the surface and say, okay, well, what's your choice here?

Speaker A

Well, what do you want to do?

Speaker A

I know that your choice is not to go to the class, you know, not go to lunch, but what is that the choice you want to make?

Speaker A

Well, no, I want to go to the lunch.

Speaker A

Okay, well, let's talk about the choice you want to make versus the choice you're making because of abc.

Speaker A

So.

Speaker A

So even just using.

Speaker A

Cleaning up your language so that you are using the language of empowerment versus disempowerment, because it's just infused in our language, in our world.

Speaker A

It's just disempowerment is constant.

Speaker A

Is a constant because it's how we talk to ourselves.

Speaker A

We beat ourselves up.

Speaker A

We're judging ourselves.

Speaker A

So if we're disempowering ourselves, it's going to come out of our mouth.

Speaker A

So I'm a huge believer in cleaning up your language so that your language is empowering each and every moment and you're supporting a client, supporting that student, and understanding what they are doing, what they are thinking, who they are showing up as.

Speaker A

Because again, people really aren't aware.

Speaker A

They're really, really not aware.

Speaker A

And when I'm working with a client and we're working on maybe a conversation, they have to have a difficult conversation with somebody.

Speaker A

Most of that conversation is their language.

Speaker B

I think we've just touched the surface of this.

Speaker B

I think we could go on for hours and hours and hours.

Speaker B

But I really, really appreciate everything that you shared.

Speaker B

It's given me an awful lot to think about.

Speaker B

Where would you like people to go to find out more?

Speaker B

Because there'll be so many people who are like, I can just see this is so important to me and how it's going to really impact my in about my life.

Speaker B

So, yeah, where would you like them to go?

Speaker B

What can they.

Speaker B

Where can they find out more?

Speaker A

Go over to fearlessliving.org, fearlessliving.org, and if you're a book person, you can always go to books.

Speaker A

And under every book, you can get a free chapter of every book that I have.

Speaker A

Fearless Living is the one I read from.

Speaker A

But I'd also love to give a free course.

Speaker A

So a little gift of a course.

Speaker A

Go to fearlessliving.org risk R I S K fearlessliving.org O R G risk RSK and it's one of my students.

Speaker A

Very, very, very, very favorite exercises is called stretch, risk or die.

Speaker A

And by the way, my coaches actually go into junior highs and high schools and teach this model called stretch, risk, and die.

Speaker A

They change the word die to something else.

Speaker A

I'm blank on that, what it is, because they don't want to use the word die, but they say, like, stretch, risk, and breakthrough or whatever.

Speaker A

I don't remember the word.

Speaker A

I'm sure that the people listening can decide that.

Speaker A

But this tool is so critical.

Speaker A

So again, I had a coach go in every Friday to a junior high and teach all the different grades and teach this method.

Speaker A

And I went there one day to, you know, I was like, she'd been doing it for a few months and saw the students working with stretchers can die because now they have a language to talk about fear.

Speaker A

They have a language in which to say, well, that's a stretch for me.

Speaker A

That's a risk for me.

Speaker A

Well, that's a die for me.

Speaker A

And again, you can change that word die.

Speaker A

But stretchers can die is basically taking all those emotional fears that we're not aware of, because, again, there's physical fears and emotional fears.

Speaker A

Physical fears most of us are aware of.

Speaker A

Emotional fears are the things we're not aware of.

Speaker A

And we can take those emotional fears and start labeling them as a stretch, risk and dies.

Speaker A

Makes it super easy.

Speaker A

Super easy.

Speaker A

So you can understand, well, why am I not moving forward in that area?

Speaker A

And I have companies, I have schools literally using these tools to support their students.

Speaker A

So as a teacher, you can totally use this.

Speaker A

So go to fearlessliving.org risk and it's gonna support you in moving out of a comfort zone, moving out of the stretch zone, the wrist zone zone.

Speaker A

And there's worksheets in there, there's templates, there's a whole workbook.

Speaker A

It's three 15 minute videos, so it won't take a heck of a lot of time.

Speaker A

And at the end of the third video, I actually go through the Wheel of Fear, so you're going to actually see the four components of the Wheel of Fear.

Speaker A

So you're going to be able to understand just a tiny bit.

Speaker A

I've shared today a little bit more in depth.

Speaker A

So fearlessliving.org risk rsk fantastic.

Speaker B

And we'll have links to all those things in the show notes as well for people who are listening.

Speaker B

Rhonda, thank you so much.

Speaker B

I'd love for you to come back and chat more about this because I think it's such an important thing, like I say, just the basic understanding of how we can be our best selves to then help us learn in a completely different way.

Speaker B

And we talk about changing education and I think, you know, this could be at the heart of so much of that.

Speaker B

So, yeah.

Speaker B

Thank you so much indeed.

Speaker A

Loved it.

Speaker A

Be fearless, everyone.

Speaker B

Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire.

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